January 2012
28 posts
Two thirty in the morning, train whistles blowing hard.
All aboard the GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP.
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All I want to do is eat waffles, stay inside, drink espresso, read books.
Tomorrow I will leave my house to eat waffles, walk around, drink coffee, watch Missi get her thigh tattooed.
Close enough.
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DONE.
With every thing that holds me back. And every one who doesn’t get it.
Be fucking awake. Be fucking here. See the goddamn truth. Know yourself. Acknowledge the work you need to do, fucking do it. Know who is giving you shit, and don’t fucking accept it. Quit with the empty excuses, repeated routines, easy escapism. Don’t play games, don’t be played.
Every single person that is truly a part of my...
“There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical...”
– John Steinbeck (via rivertrash)
NAILED IT.
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No better feeling in the world.
Than booking three tattoo appointments with Derek Noble for May and June.
Eating oatmeal and edamame until then so I can afford it.
Doing crunches so he doesn’t have to tattoo my squishy bakery gut.
Torso, you’re going to be so pretty. So, so very pretty.
And covered in giant dead rabbits.
all you tried and failed to do was justify your theft
and I get that you’re bereft of other things to occupy yourself
but keep my goddamn name out of your mouth
you’re just a shade of gray
‘cause all I want is forward progress
and maybe next year I’ll miss your face but right now it’s still worthless
wasted time, mostly mine
it’s not my fucking fault so...
Dudes.
L.A. was such a blast. I’ll post some other photos soon enough.
I landed, got to the hotel, took all my things out of my bag (kind of love doing that a lot), changed into shorts, wandered around Koreatown, called my BFF. Ate some noodles and donuts, explored rooftops, watched the sun set from the top of my hotel. Realized how tired I was, decided to call it a night and relax and not spend...
December 2011
68 posts
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I just.
What the fuck?
Before sunrise tomorrow, I’ll be heading to the airport, in shorts, for my seemingly millionth round of flying to places I have never been, under yet another circumstance I didn’t think I’d be in.
Los Angeles, be nice to me. I am going to eat my way through Koreatown.
And tear some shit up.
Or more likely, clamor with all of my life wearing the biggest fucking...
OH MY FUCKING GOD. OH. MY FUCKING GOD.
BY SOME LIFE ALTERING MIRACLE INVOLVING A BOY I DATED WHEN I WAS IN EIGHTH GRADE AND A PIZZA PLACE IN PROVIDENCE AND FRIENDS OF FRIENDS AND ASTRAL TIMING…
I HAVE A TICKET TO AMERICAN NIGHTMARE IN LA.
I’LL SLEEP ON THE FUCKIN’ STREETS.
I GOT A PLANE TICKET. AND A SHOW TICKET.
AND I’M PROBABLY NEVER GOING TO SLEEP.
IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU.
Sometimes I am reminded of exactly who I am missing and what I need and what I want and, essentially, what I just can’t fucking have.
Fuck.
This.
Shit.
I don’t want to be reminded of any of this.
North, South, East and West.
Christmas.
A time for me to sleep in, wake up, and immediately flip Background Music over and over and over.
A feast of a box of Crazy Bugs is imminent. It is time to eat their delicious buggy souls and watch Eureka.
I haven’t spoken a word out loud at all today.
Just singing. Kind of screaming.
A Sorrow Beyond Dreams was quite good, despite its brevity. I didn’t post the best...
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I think it’s getting kind of sad that I have more in common with fifteen/sixteen/seventeen year olds on tumblr than I do with anyone in my life right now.
Y’all motherfuckers need to skip algebra and come hang out with me.
IF I HOLD ON MUCH LONGER I MIGHT BREAK MY HANDS
I MUST RESPECT THE SPACE YOU HAVE BUT YOU
TREAD IN MY LANDS
AND ALL THINGS ASIDE
I KNOW WE BOTH KNOW WHERE WE STAND
I’M STUCK HERE AND YOU’RE THERE AND THAT’S
IT
LET IT GO
THIS QUICKSAND
IT PULLS ME UNDER
IT PULLS ME UNDERNEATH HER
AND I’M LEARNING HOW TO LIVE
WITH MY UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES
WHILE YOU’RE...
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Today I:
Slept as long as my body decided to (which was 930am after going to bed at 430am, and then again until 12pm because what the fuck, brain, no, I don’t have that much to do today).
Took a shower.
Took a bath.
Oh by the way, baking soda rinse instead of shampoo is going very fucking well (week two/wash three). I highly recommend.
Cleaned one side of the kitchen (plant shelf,...
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WASTED TIME, MOSTLY MINE.
I am so much better on my own.
I genuinely give a fuck about my sense of worth and my place and my progress and my direction.
I am too fucking good to keep putting my feelings on a shelf, holding my goddamn breath for anything at all to change, waiting to see where or how I might maybe theoretically (silently, let’s not actually address any of it) fit in if I just pull on your teeth hard...
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